Who Reads This Crap?

No matter how much I kid myself, I’m not a writer. I’m not even a decent human being. This isn’t a pity party; any pity comments will be rejected. What this is is a way for me to express what I’m thinking. We have to do that sometimes or all the stuff that builds up just makes us explode or tour from the inside out. Which might be too last for me on the rotting part.

We, most of us, strive to improve.  Were move through life looking to better ourselves, the lives of others if we’re married and possibly have children, our communities. My condition isn’t important for this writing. It applies to us all.

They are things we can do, and do, just to get by. This is lazy thinking. Just like lying, the more you skate by, the worse it gets. Defeat is not a proper mindset. Defeat does not lead to success or happiness. Defeat will never get you what you want to be. The only thing defeat is good for is to get your lazy butt up for success. Learn from your loss and make sure you don’t make the same mistake twice. I’m in the repeater club and there’s morning fun about it. You only get so many chances before your last. It’s that last one that hurts the worst. Most of the time you deserve it if you don’t learn.

There isn’t always a right answer. With the exception of tried and true, you sometimes have to make your own path. As it is with writing, there’s not a guide book or map to guide you to the X. Others can give you advice. You can try to mimic what has worked in the past. At some point you will fail because the rules will change or the field will shift or someone comes along who is better and has their shit figured out. Prepare for failure. Plan for success. Sometimes you can’t plan. Sometimes you just have to grab the steering wheel and hope the black ice ends before you crash. Most often you will crash. What you do next is important. This is where you keep going.

Look at what you did wrong. Feedback is important when others are involved. When it comes to love, do it for love. Love your partner. Love your family. Don’t just shrug and give up. Fight for what you want. Fight for what your partner wants. Do it for love.

As much as we think we improve, that bar is still above our reach. If we could grasp  easily, it wouldn’t be worth grabbing. There are things we can do to make life easier. These aren’t always the same. Some people have easy marriages. Not everything about it is easy but the love working together makes the burdens lighter.

When you think things are good and okay is usually the time when you need to push for more improvement. Don’t be fooled that you’re past the finish line and the race is over. Complacency is what most of us fail, me especially. I get so full of paying myself on the back that I get miles behind. I try to live as though nothing should bother me and that’s where I lose. I let too much go.

One of my favorite sayings is:  you can’t control what anyone else does but you can control what you do. This can be extended to you can control how you act and react. Not everything merits action. Not everything merits reaction. But how you do makes the most difference in your life and possibly that of others. You can make an example or you can have one made of you. When life continues to shit on you, you can rise up. Sometimes this requires action, sometimes reaction. Either way don’t become lax.

You need to be the best at what you do. It can be as simple as being the best garbage technician or as complicated as being the best neuro-rocket-physicist. Be the best you can be. Don’t settle with second place. There’s always someone better than you.

My fear, especially right now, is that I’ve blown my chance to be the best. Frankly, I wouldn’t hire myself to do what I’m failing at right now. I would choose someone else like that *snap* and wouldn’t think twice. I don’t deserve to be where I’m at. I’m a disgrace. I’m worthless. I don’t deserve the people in my life. And all because I thought I was doing enough.  All because I didn’t want to make someone mad. All because I couldn’t man up and do it right.

And it could cost me everything. Don’t get me wrong. I will survive. But I’ve put myself and others in a place where we shouldn’t be. Things will get worse. And they will continue to worsen I’d I remain complacent. I need to man up. I need to make the tough choice. I need to do what’s right even if I lose. If you want something bad enough you must, MUST, fight for it. Lay down and die is for losers. Writing is for losers. Divorce is for two people who don’t care anymore and it only ends up hurting the children. Suicide hurts more people than you know and never hurts those who make your life miserable. It’s true we must learn from failure but failure is not an option here.

If you care enough, and you must, you will fight to win. With any choice, there is cause and effect. Be sure you’re ready for the consequences. Lying to someone because they won’t like the truth is a poor excuse. Man up, tell the truth, and deal with it. This is something else I’ve struggled with. Truth should be easy. It’s already there. Lies take more work and cause more damage. Lies destroy.

Cherish your memories. You don’t know when that will be all you have. Memories will reveal what you love the most, especially when what you love most is gone. Love each other even in your imperfections.  Nobody is perfect. No one will ever be perfect. But you have to do your best for one another. Sickness and health. Richer and poorer. In good times and bad.

If you care enough, and you must, you will fight for that love. 100%

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